“I was in the middle of taking finals when everything started to happen. Since I was graduating early, I had to take my exams a week earlier than normal. It wasn’t until I finished the exams that all of a sudden everyone’s finals became online, with most either optional or cancelled. I was angry about how unlucky I was, and I still had to complete my projects, so I was clouded in a mix of stress and anger when we heard that spring quarter would be online. It was Pub Night, where my friends and a large chunk of my class found themselves grieving together, and I was at home unfazed. The following day was my final day of senior year, and that night it all hit me like a wave. Things wouldn’t be the same. People will go home, and people will get sick, and worse. We got email after email with updates and cancellations and major changes to our everyday lives. I decided to go home to see my parents for a few days then come right back to campus to spend time with my close friends before I couldn’t anymore. I didn’t say bye when I left.

I have been at home for over two months now. I returned to campus just once to move out of my apartment and say rushed goodbyes to friends I couldn’t even hug. It is an indescribable feeling to return to a place where you had last lived your life so autonomously and have it feel so restricted and defeated. With no in-person graduation and no in-person closure, our class has been left without a number of opportunities that we had expected to have as we close out a monumental chapter in our lives. I could live without some of our losses, but I am still grappling with the fact that I didn’t get the closure I felt I needed from my university. In my four years at UChicago, I struggled more than I had anticipated, I made friendships that I intend to keep for a lifetime, and all I wanted was to feel ready to move on from it all and to celebrate the end. I don’t feel in any way capable of putting this disappointment into words, but I do know that it has been a rather daunting feeling that I haven’t yet been able to shake.

At the end of next week I’ll be moving to LA to work in an orthopedic surgery practice for a year. I haven’t been away from home for that long before. Though I harbor a lot of resentment towards this virus, I have to admit that in my case, there has been a silver lining. I have spent a substantial amount of time with my parents that I otherwise would not have gotten the chance to do, and I am grateful for that. Quality time with them feels invaluable. I also think that it is important to note that while I have spent a lot of time grieving my losses, they could have been considerably worse. I have my health and my family’s health, and we are beyond lucky to still have employment. Everyone is going through something. Hopefully we will all come out of this a little bit more mindful of one another.”